Sexuality is a topic shrouded with confusion and misinformation, particularly because many people feel too embarrassed to openly discuss it. While the mainstream media often portrays open dialogue between parents and children about sex, the reality, especially in many African cultures, is far different. There is a deep reluctance to broach the subject, and the word “sex” itself typically becomes a taboo. When young people come of age and naturally develop curiosity about sex, they are often left without guidance, unsure of where to turn for accurate information.
In the absence of open conversations or formal education, many individuals turn to pornography, which is accessible in various forms from videos, audio recordings and magazines. Pornography offers a seemingly easy way for an individual to learn about sex. However, what it presents is far from an accurate reflection of the real-world sexual experiences. Pornographic content is often exaggerated and sensationalized, driven by an industry that prioritizes profit over authenticity. Extreme scenarios dominate much of what is shown because that is what garners the most views and engagement. The danger lies in how easily this content can shape the perceptions of those who consume it, especially individuals who lack real world sexual experience. A naive viewer might believe that the scenarios they see in pornography represent what is expected in a sexual encounter, leading them to replicate behaviors they have witnessed without fully understanding the context. This can lead to unrealistic expectations and, in some cases, harmful practices.
A notable aspect of many pornographic videos is the inclusion of acts of punishment, such as choking, slapping, or spanking during sex. While these practices may be common or even enjoyable for some individuals in Western cultures, they are far less likely to be embraced by people in African contexts. In the West, where physical punishment is less prevalent in day-to-day life, some individuals may associate mild pain with pleasure in sexual scenarios. However, for many Africans, where physical punishment is often a part of upbringing—whether through parental discipline or school environments—it is unlikely for them to associate physical punishment with sexual pleasure. To them, it is simply pain and suffering, not pleasure. Due to fear of being judged or rejected, many people will go along with these things that they aren't comfortable with during sexual intercourse, without expressing their true feelings to their partner. This leads to significant misunderstandings and misalignment between what individuals are exposed to through pornography and what they or their partners feel is acceptable in real life. As a result, unrealistic standards for sexual performance and intimacy develop during intercourse.
The impact of pornography can be complex. On one hand, it may serve as a source of information for those who have no other means of learning about sex. On the other hand, because much of the content is sensationalized and disconnected from the emotional and relational aspects of sex, it can distort perceptions of what healthy sexual relationships should look like. The expectation that sex must always be exciting, boundary-pushing, or filled with extreme acts can place pressure on individuals and create tension during sexual intercourse.
What is needed is a more balanced approach to sexual education—one that goes beyond the artificial depictions of pornography. Open, honest conversations about sex, grounded in reality, are crucial for fostering healthy sexual intimacy. Without this dialogue, individuals are left to rely on exaggerated, often harmful representations of sex, leading to confusion and dissatisfaction during intimacy. Ultimately, while pornography may provide some with an initial exposure to sexual concepts, it should not be viewed as a reliable guide for understanding intimacy, connection, or pleasure. Real, meaningful sexual experiences are grounded in communication, consent, and mutual respect—none of which are consistently depicted in the world of pornography.